Want to Raise More Confident Kids? Start Here.

Eight simple ways to help children feel valued, face setbacks,
and become better learners.

By Matt DiMaio

Your child brings home a disappointing report card. What happens next?

The conversation might begin with a lecture about effort, a comparison with a brother or sister, or a worried question about the child’s future. Parents usually mean well. They want their child to succeed.

But in my decades of teaching people how to learn, I’ve seen how much a student’s beliefs about themselves can affect their willingness to try. When a child thinks, “I’m just not good at this,” even a manageable assignment can feel overwhelming.

Parents have a powerful opportunity here. You can help your child feel secure enough to tackle a hard subject, ask for help and try again after a setback. Here are eight ways to start.

1. Remind them that a grade does not change their worth

A poor test result tells you how a child performed on one test. It does not tell you what that child is worth, or what they can learn next.

Say it plainly: “This result is disappointing, and we’ll figure out what to do next. Your value isn’t being questioned or reduced.” That gives your child room to look honestly at the problem without feeling that your love is on the line.

2. See the child in front of you

It’s easy to focus on what a child hasn’t done: the unfinished assignment, the messy room, the missing practice. Make time to notice the person behind those tasks.

What sparks their curiosity? What do they talk about when no one is grading them? What frustrates them? Listening to the answers helps you understand the kind of support they actually need.

3. Ask questions before passing judgment

Suppose your child says, “I hate math.” It’s tempting to reply, “You just need to work harder.” Try asking, “Which part is giving you trouble?”

Perhaps they missed an earlier lesson. Perhaps they know the material but freeze during tests. Perhaps they’re afraid to ask a question in class. You can help more effectively when you know what is happening.

4. Get help when your child needs it

If your child keeps struggling with a subject, consider a tutor or another source of extra instruction. Needing help is a normal part of learning.

The right person can explain an idea in a new way, identify a missing skill and help a student experience a small success. Before choosing someone, ask your child what feels hardest and speak with the teacher about where the difficulty begins.

5. Stop comparing siblings

“Your sister never had trouble with this” may sound like encouragement to the parent saying it. To the child hearing it, the message can feel very different.

Children develop at different speeds and have different strengths. Compare your child’s progress with where they were last month, rather than with another child’s report card. “You can solve problems now that confused you before” gives them something useful to build on.

6. Put a spotlight on their strengths

A child who struggles with spelling might be a gifted storyteller. One who finds algebra difficult might be unusually good at explaining a complicated idea aloud.

Recognizing those strengths does not mean ignoring a weak subject. It reminds your child that one area of difficulty is only part of the picture. Then ask how a strength might help: Could the storyteller turn a history lesson into a memorable narrative? Could a child who likes to explain things talk through a math problem step by step?

7. Praise what you want to see more of

Notice the specific things your child does well: “You kept working after that first answer didn’t work,” or “I liked the way you asked for an explanation.”

Specific praise tells a child what they can repeat. It also makes your attention about their actions and growth, rather than a label such as “smart” or “not smart.”

8. Let your face light up when you see them

This may be the simplest tip of all. When your child enters the room, look up. Smile. Let them see that you’re glad they’re there.

You don’t need a speech. That brief welcome tells a child, “You matter to me.” It’s especially valuable after a disappointing grade, a lost game, or a difficult day with a friend.

One bonus tip: Lead by example

Let your child see you learn something new, ask a question and admit when you don’t know the answer. If you make a mistake, show them how you recover: “That didn’t work. Let me try another way.”

Your example can make persistence feel ordinary. And when a child feels valued regardless of the outcome, it becomes easier to face a challenge without fearing that one mistake defines them.

The next time your child struggles, you don’t need eight perfect responses. Start with one: look them in the eye, listen and remind them that their worth is secure. Then work together on the next small step.

 

Matt DiMaio is an author, educator, speaker, and Rapid Learning Specialist who has spent more than four decades teaching people how to learn faster, remember more and improve their personal effectiveness. He is the creator of the Be Smarter Faster YouTube channel and author of The 48-Hour Author, along with several books on learning, memory, and personal development.  Matt@TheTampaPost.com

 

 

 

 

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