How to Get People to Like You: 5 Rules That Really Work

How to Get People to Like You:
5 Rules That Really Work

By Matt DiMaio

If you’re not doing these 5 things, you may actually be making it harder for people to like you.

The good news is, none of them require you to be better-looking… more successful… more outgoing… or even more interesting.

They’re 5 simple behaviors almost anyone can learn.

And they can change the way people respond to you… almost immediately.

Across Tampa Bay And Throughout The Country,
Millions of Students Are Heading Back to School.

Some are walking into a new classroom. Others are beginning high school or college, perhaps surrounded by people they’ve never met before.

And along with all the usual concerns about classes, teachers, schedules and grades, there’s another question many students are thinking about:

Will people like me?

But That’s Not a Concern Limited to Students.

Adults face the same challenge when they start a new job, join a club, attend a party, walk into a networking event, move into a new neighborhood or simply meet someone new.

Having people like you can make a much bigger difference in your life than you might think.

It can affect your relationships, your career, and even the opportunities that come your way. Likability can influence who wants to date you, work with you, trust you, listen to your ideas, recommend you to others, or think of you when an opportunity comes along.

Being likable isn’t merely about being popular.

It can affect your ability to connect, persuade, influence, and ultimately, even how successful you become.

Here’s Very Good News.

Likability isn’t something you either have or you don’t. It’s a skill.

And like most skills, you can get better at it.

Whether you’re going back to school, starting college, joining a club, attending a party, beginning a new job, or walking into a business networking event, here are five simple rules that can help you become more likable.

Rule #1:
Find What You Have in Common

There’s a simple principle behind human connection:

People who are LIKE each other tend to LIKE each other.

And there’s research behind this. A large analysis of more than 300 studies found a strong connection between similarity and interpersonal attraction. In other words, finding genuine common ground really can make a difference.

Think about the word like. We say two things are “alike” when they’re similar. And when we meet people who share some of our interests, experiences, backgrounds, or beliefs, conversation often becomes easier.

So when you meet somebody new, don’t immediately start trying to impress them. Instead, look for things you genuinely have in common.

Maybe you grew up in the same part of the country. Maybe you went to the same school. Perhaps you both have children, enjoy the same sport, listen to the same music, share a hobby, or love visiting the same places.

It doesn’t have to be profound.

You’re simply looking for little bridges between the two of you.

Suppose someone mentions, “I just got back from Italy.”

If you’ve also been there, instead of simply responding, “Oh, that’s nice,” you might say, “Really? I was in Italy a few years ago. What part did you visit?”

You’ve just discovered something you share, and now you have somewhere for the conversation to go.

The important distinction is this:

Don’t try to CREATE similarities. DISCOVER them.

Rule #2:
Remember Their Name

One of the simplest ways to make another person feel important is to remember their name.

Unfortunately, many of us forget a person’s name almost immediately after being introduced.

Often the problem isn’t memory at all. We simply weren’t paying attention.

When someone says, “Hi, I’m Jennifer,” focus on the name. Then use it naturally.

“Nice to meet you, Jennifer. I’m Matt.”

Later, you might ask, “Where did you grow up, Jennifer?”

And when you’re leaving: “It was really nice meeting you, Jennifer.”

But here’s where remembering names becomes especially powerful:

Remember the person’s name the NEXT time you meet.

Here’s a technique I’ve recommended for years. Carry a blank index card or use a private note on your phone. After meeting several people, step aside and jot down their names along with one or two details that will help you remember them.

I’ve seen firsthand how powerful this can be.

A professional photographer I know once used some basic name-memory techniques I had taught him while photographing a high-profile wedding.

During the wedding, he did something most photographers would never even think to do.

He learned and remembered the names of the people in the wedding party.

Instead of giving impersonal directions, he could address people by name as he arranged photographs and poses.

The result?

The bride’s father gave him a sizable bonus on top of his regular fee. Even more importantly, he received several excellent referrals that generated additional business.

He hadn’t performed an incredible memory stunt.

He simply did something that made people feel important.

He remembered them.

And people tend to remember people who remember them.

Rule #3:
Give Genuine, Specific Compliments

Almost everyone appreciates a sincere compliment.

But there’s an enormous difference between genuine appreciation and empty flattery.

Suppose you tell someone:

“You look nice.”

That’s pleasant.

But compare it with:

“That blue shirt really brings out the color of your eyes.”

The second compliment communicates something beyond the words themselves:

I noticed you.

And compliments certainly don’t have to involve someone’s appearance.

“I really liked the way you explained that.”

“You handled that situation beautifully.”

“You have a wonderful sense of humor.”

“That was a really thoughtful question.”

Research suggests we may underestimate the value of doing this. Studies have found that people giving compliments tend to underestimate the positive effect their words will have on the person receiving them.

The key is simple: Be specific. And mean it.

A sincere compliment isn’t about manipulating somebody into liking you. It’s about noticing something you genuinely appreciate and taking a moment to say so.

Rule #4:
Be Interested, Not Interesting

This may be the most important rule of all.

When someone is talking to you, listen.

Really listen.

Look at the person. Smile. Make eye contact. Put away your phone. React to what they’re saying.

And don’t spend the entire time they’re talking thinking about the brilliant thing you’re going to say as soon as they stop.

Ask follow-up questions, and then actually listen to the answers.

If someone tells you they just started a new job, resist the temptation to immediately tell them all about your job.

Instead, ask:

“How do you like it?”

“What are you doing?”

“What made you decide to make the change?”

Here’s a principle worth remembering:

Stop trying so hard to be INTERESTING. Become INTERESTED.

You don’t have to impress people with all the wonderful things about you.

Give them an opportunity to tell you something about themselves.

Rule #5:
Be Reliable

This rule isn’t flashy, but it may be one of the most important over the long term.

Do what you say you’re going to do.

Be on time.

If you say you’ll call, call.

If you promise to send something, send it.

If you tell someone, “I’ll take care of that Tuesday,” take care of it Tuesday.

Being likable isn’t merely about making a good first impression. It’s also about what happens after people get to know you.

People like people they can trust.

Become the person whose word means something.

Those are the people who get trusted, recommended, and remembered when opportunities come along.

One Important Warning.

Everything I’ve just suggested can backfire if you ignore one important warning:

Don’t be fake.

Don’t pretend to love football because the other person loves football.

Don’t give compliments you don’t mean.

Don’t pretend to listen while your mind is somewhere else.

And please don’t use someone’s name fourteen times in five minutes because someone told you that people like hearing their name!

There’s actually research supporting that warning. When using someone’s name begins to feel calculated or ingratiating, it can have exactly the opposite effect and make the person seem less sincere.

These aren’t tricks for manipulating people.

And don’t change who you are simply to gain somebody else’s approval.

Be yourself.

The goal isn’t to trick people into liking you.

The goal is to develop habits that make you a more likable person.

When you look closely, all five rules communicate something important to another human being:

I see you.

I hear you.

I remember you.

I appreciate you.

And you can trust me.

Perhaps that’s the biggest secret of all.

If you want people to like you more, spend less time trying to get them to like YOU and more time showing them that you genuinely like THEM.

Matt DiMaio is an author, educator, speaker, and Rapid Learning Specialist who has spent more than four decades teaching people how to learn faster, remember more and improve their personal effectiveness. He is the creator of the Be Smarter Faster YouTube channel and author of The 48-Hour Author, along with several books on learning, memory, and personal development. Matt@TheTampaPost.com